Please and Sorry in Farsi: 11 Words, Lotfan to Bebakhshid

Short answer: Please in Farsi is lotfan when you ask for something, and befarmâyid when you offer something or wave someone ahead. Sorry and excuse me are both bebakhshid, the most useful polite word in the language. For a heavier apology, say ozr mikhâm. Bâ ejâze is excuse me as you leave or pass.

English has one please. Persian has at least three, and which one you pick depends on who is doing the giving. That trips up nearly every learner, so this post starts there. Then come sorry and excuse me, which Persian mostly folds into a single word.

If you've been through a real apology (the kind with a mother-in-law and a plate of sweets), my apology scene plays one out in full. This post is the quick reference.

Please in Farsi: lotfan, befarmâyid or bi-zahmat?

Lotfan: please when you're asking

لطفا comes from لطف, kindness, so it means something like "kindly". You'll see it written on every sign that asks you to do something, and you'll use it at the counter, the ticket window and the café. The glossary's example is a model of the formal written style: لطفاً یک ورق کاغذ به من بدهید. (lotfan yek varaq kâghaz be man bedahid), "Please give me a sheet of paper." In speech it often goes at the end: آقا یک چای لطفاً (âqâ yek chây lotfan), "sir, one tea please."

Befarmâyid: please when you're giving

This is the one textbooks underexplain. بفرمایید means "please, go ahead, here you are", and you say it when you are offering. A host says it holding out a plate. A shopkeeper says it handing you your change. Someone at a door says it to let you through first. The glossary calls it the verbal hinge of تعارف, and that's right.

• بفرمایید تو (befarmâyid tu): "please come in"
• بفرمایید چای (befarmâyid chây): "please, have some tea"
• اول شما، بفرمایید (avval shomâ, befarmâyid): "you first, go ahead"

The trap: befarmâyid is never the please in "can I have the bill, please". That's lotfan.

Bi-zahmat: please, if it's no trouble

بی‌زحمت literally means "without trouble". It's a soft, friendly request, fine with a waiter or a taxi driver as much as with family: bi-zahmat, pass the bread. It's warmer and more spoken than lotfan.

Sorry and excuse me in Farsi

Bebakhshid: your all-purpose word

ببخشید comes from the verb bakhshidan, to forgive, so it literally means "forgive me". It covers the English "excuse me", "sorry" and "pardon me" in one word. Use it to get a waiter's attention, to squeeze past someone on the bus, to ask a stranger the way, or to say sorry for stepping on a foot.

• ببخشید آقا (bebakhshid âqâ): "excuse me, sir"
• ببخشید خانم (bebakhshid khânom): "excuse me, madam"
• ببخشید، ایستگاه مترو کجاست؟ (bebakhshid, istgâh-e metro kojâst?): "excuse me, where is the metro station?"

Ozr mikhâm: when it's a real apology

عذر می‌خوام (ozr mikhâm) is heavier. Ozr is an excuse or apology, and mikhâm is "I want", so it's "I ask your pardon". Save it for when you've actually done something wrong. The apology scene uses it alongside two phrases that do real work in an Iranian apology: قصد نداشتم (qasd nadâshtam), "I didn't mean to", and جبران میکنم (jobrân mikonam), "I'll make it up to you".

معذرت می‌خواهم is the formal equivalent. You'll hear it from officials, in announcements, and in polite emails.

Sharmande and mota'assefam

شرمنده means ashamed, and as an apology it's "I'm embarrassed, I've let you down": you're late, you forgot their birthday, you can't come to the party. It's very common in everyday speech and less dramatic than the English word "ashamed".

متأسفم (mota'assefam) is the sorry of sympathy. It belongs with bad news, not with bumping into someone. Its adverb, متأسفانه (mota'assefâne), "unfortunately", is how a shop tells you they're out of something.

Bâ ejâze: excuse me as you go

با اجازه (bâ ejâze), "with your permission", is what you say standing up to leave a room, slipping past someone, or cutting into a meeting. In my workplace Farsi scene it opens an interruption in a tense meeting. The fuller اجازه بدید (ejâze bedid) is "allow me".

How to reply when someone says sorry

• خواهش می‌کنم (khâhesh mikonam): "please, it's nothing"
• ناراحت نشو (nârâhat nasho): "don't be upset", to someone you know
• اشکالی نداره (eshkâli nadâre): "no problem, it's fine"

Which word, which moment?

These words sit inside the bigger system of Iranian politeness. For the full picture of offering, refusing and accepting, read the house visit guide, and for hellos and goodbyes, the 37 greetings.

Get it wrong and the worst that happens is a warm laugh and a story they’ll tell for years. Get it right — refuse the tea twice, accept on the third — and you’ll watch a face open up. You didn’t just speak Persian. You played the game.