What it means
رودرواسی (ru-darbâyesti) is the social embarrassment or reluctance to refuse a request, offer, or invitation, even when you’d rather say no. It’s the inner pressure Iranians feel against breaking face-to-face politeness.
How to use it
- از رودرواسی قبول کردم (az ru-darbâyesti qabul kardam) “I accepted out of social pressure”
- رودرواسی نکن، راحت باش (ru-darbâyesti nakon, râhat bâsh) “Don’t be shy, make yourself comfortable”
- رودرواسی داشتم بگم نه (ru-darbâyesti dâshtam begam na) “I felt awkward saying no”
Cultural depth
Ru-darbâyesti is the engine behind half of Iranian social interaction. You eat the third helping you don’t want. You say yes to driving your cousin’s friend to the airport at 4am. You buy a rug from a relative’s shop you can’t afford. The host knows. The guest knows. Everyone is performing. Hosts often say رودرواسی نکن explicitly to give the guest permission to refuse, sometimes sincerely, sometimes as further taarof.
Register notes
Mostly colloquial and conversational, rarely written in formal contexts. The literary equivalents would be حجب و حیا (hejb-o haya) “modesty and shame” or محظور (mahzur) “social embarrassment,” but ru-darbâyesti is the everyday word and uniquely Iranian.
Etymology
Pure Persian compound. رو (ru) “face” + در (dar) “in” + بایستی (bâyesti) “oughtness, obligation,” from the modal verb بایستن (bâyestan) “must, ought.” The literal sense: “the obligation that exists in the face,” the social pressure that arises in face-to-face encounter. A late modern coinage, well established in 20th-century colloquial Persian.
References
ZabanYar is a Persian app built for heritage learners, the people who can speak a little but want to read, write, and really get it. Free early access at launch.
Join the waitlist →