خواستگاری

What it means

خواستگاری (khâstegâri) is the formal proposal visit by a suitor’s family to a prospective bride’s home. It is the structured first step toward an Iranian marriage.

How to use it

• به خواستگاری رفتیم (be khâstegâri raftim) “We went for a proposal visit”
• خواستگار دارد (khâstegâr dârad) “She has a suitor”
• جواب خواستگاری (javâb-e khâstegâri) “the answer to the proposal”

The ritual sequence

• The suitor’s family arrives with flowers and shirini (sweets).
• Tea and fruit are served. The girl, often, brings the tea (a moment of inspection on both sides).
• Small talk about families, work, and roots. Both sides assess.
• An elder raises the topic with a delicate phrase like “we have come for a good purpose.”
• The young couple may speak privately in another room.
• The girl gives a yes, a no, or asks for thinking time (often a week).
• If yes, next steps: bale-borân (the agreement), then aqd and arusi.

Cultural depth

Khâstegâri persists across modern, traditional, and religious families, though the format varies. Urban Tehrani couples may already be dating; the visit becomes a formal ritual blessing what has been informally decided. Rural and religious families still treat it as the first real meeting.

Etymology

Pure Persian, derived from خواستن (khâstan, to want, to ask for) plus the suffix -gâri (the process or activity of). Literally “the act of asking-for.” Same -gâri pattern in sâzgâri (compatibility) and yâdgâri (memento).

References

• Dehkhoda
• Vajehyab