Location: Messina, Sicily (My heating is broken again). Time: 03:14 AM. Mood: Delirious.
On my desk, there is a copy of Antonio Gramsci’s Prison Notebooks and a slice of pizza that has the structural integrity of a car tire. I am supposed to be writing about “Cultural Hegemony.”
Instead, I am watching D-list Iranian celebrities commit accidental treason on a reality show.
If you are sleeping like a normal person, here is the update: The Islamic Republic—a regime that has spent 45 years trying to erase pre-Islamic history, just banned a TV show for… insulting pre-Islamic history.
If irony was a renewable resource, Iran would be an energy superpower.
The “Crime” of the Century
The show is called Bazmandeh (Survivor). It’s exactly what you think it is: cheap production value, dramatic music, and people desperate for a cash prize because the Rial is currently toilet paper.
In the latest episode, the producers had a “brilliant” idea. For a target practice challenge, they set up cardboard cutouts. Not generic targets. No. They used symbols of the Achaemenid Empire, specifically the Homa (هما), the mythical bird-griffin of Persepolis.
The contestants started hurling sandbags at the glory of Ancient Persia. Smash. Bang.
Naturally, Iranian Twitter turned into a digital war zone.
The Fake Outrage
The diaspora in Los Angeles (Tehrangeles) went into cardiac arrest. Twitter exploded with ALL CAPS rage tweeted from iPhones in Santa Monica. People who haven’t seen Iran since the 90s were suddenly experts on desecration.
But then, the plot twist of the century happened.
SATRA (the regime’s digital censorship arm) stepped in. They didn’t just issue a warning. They suspended the entire platform and banned the show.
Their reasoning? The show committed Tohin (توهین)—insulting “national and patriotic symbols.”
The Cynical Pivot
Let’s pause. This is the same government that builds dams threatening to flood ancient sites and lets humidity eat away at the limestone. This is the system that usually arrests people for gathering at Cyrus the Great’s tomb.
So why are they suddenly the defenders of the Homa?
It’s called the Nationalist Pivot.
The regime knows their ideological brand is bankrupt. Nobody is buying the religious fervor anymore. They see the polls. They see the streets. So, like a desperate marketing firm, they are rebranding. They are trying to hijack the one thing that still unites the angry population: Heritage.
They banned Bazmandeh not because they love history, but because they are terrified of you. They are terrified of a population that is looking for any symbol to rally around that isn’t them.
Gramsci Was Right (Unfortunately)
I look back at my textbook. “Cultural hegemony is maintained by the manipulation of symbols.”
The show is now Gheir-e-Mojaz (غیرمجاز)—unauthorized.
The irony is perfect. They banned a show about “Survival” because they are trying to do exactly that: Survive. They will wear the mask of the Nationalist today and the Islamist tomorrow. They don’t have an ideology; they have a survival instinct.
I’m going to eat this rubber pizza now. Shab-e-khosh.
