Stop memorizing polite greetings. No one in Tehran cares if you can say “The weather is pleasant.”
If you really want to understand Persian street culture, you need to understand the grocery store. We don’t just insult people with curse words; we use produce. It’s passive-aggressive, it’s confusing for foreigners, and it is absolutely hilarious.
Here in Messina, if a guy cuts me off in traffic, he screams ‘Che cazzo!’ and invokes the saints. In Tehran? We just call him a Pear. It cuts deeper because it attacks his coordination, not his mother.
Here is the hierarchy of vegetable insults, ranked by how much psychological damage they do.
1. The “Sib-zamini” (Potato)
Severity: High
You might think calling someone a “Potato” implies they are lazy or overweight. You are wrong.
In Iran, being a Sib-zamini (سیبزمینی) means you are soulless. You are Bi-rag (بیرگ)—literally “veinless.” It means you have no jealousy, no honor, and no reaction.
- If someone hits on your girlfriend and you just stand there? You are a Sib-zamini.
- If the country is falling apart and you are just scrolling Instagram? Sib-zamini.
It is the ultimate insult for indifference. In Italian politics, indifference might be a strategy. In an Iranian relationship? It’s a death sentence.
2. The “Hendooneh” (Watermelon)
Severity: Manipulative
This isn’t an insult to your face; it’s a trap.
The phrase is Hendooneh zir-e baghal gozashtan (هندوانه زیر بغل گذاشتن)—literally “putting a watermelon under someone’s arm.”
It means puffing someone up with fake compliments to make them do something stupid or difficult.
- The Scenario: Your friend tells you, “Bro, you are the strongest, most handsome guy I know. Only YOU can carry this fridge up four flights of stairs.”
- The Reality: He is putting two watermelons under your arms. He is manipulating you.
If you feel sudden, unexplained confidence? Check your armpits.
3. The “Golabi” (Pear)
Severity: Medium (But humiliating)
This is my favorite one to use in traffic.
A Golabi (گلابی) is a loser. But not a malicious loser—a clumsy, goofy, useless loser. Think of the shape of a pear: heavy at the bottom, wobbly, not very aerodynamic.
- If your friend tries to park his car and hits the curb three times? He is a Golabi.
- If someone trips over their own feet? Golabi.
It’s dismissive. You aren’t worth hating; you’re just a pear.
4. The “Cheghondar” (Beetroot)
Severity: Low (The Participation Trophy)
Have you ever met someone who has the personality of a wet napkin? They are just… there. They don’t contribute to the conversation. They don’t have ideas. They just occupy physical space in the room.
That is a Cheghondar (چغندر).
It basically means “useless lump.” Use this for that one guy in your group project who nods his head but does zero work.
5. The “Bademjan” (Eggplant)
Severity: Philosophical
We don’t usually call a person an eggplant directly, but we use the idiom constantly:
Bademjan-e bam afat nadare (بادمجان بم آفت ندارد). Translation: “The bad eggplant doesn’t get bugs.”
This is for the toxic people in your life. You know that guy who drives drunk, cheats on his exams, eats junk food, and somehow lives a perfect life? That is the Bad Eggplant principle. The universe doesn’t punish them because even the parasites don’t want them.
The Bottom Line
Next time you are arguing with an Iranian, don’t use Google Translate curse words. You will sound like a tourist.
Just look them in the eye and say, “Don’t be such a Sib-zamini.” They will either laugh or fight you. Either way, you earn respect.
Reading this is easy; knowing exactly when to drop the “Pear” insult without getting punched in the face is hard. I’m a PolSci student in Italy, and I decode these cultural landmines for a living.
Book a trial lesson and let’s get real: https://preply.in/ELYAR6EN18342704101?ts=17640787
